I ruined my life with gambling

I started gambling when I was 16, my older cousin showed me online poker and casinos, we played together and actually won quite a lot.

I was smarter then, took the winnings and spent the money on a nice holiday and bought myself a computer and bunch of other cool stuff.

I was in awe of how easy it was to win money while having fun.

Didn't gamble until I turned 18. Had a friend staying over for a weekend, I put some sports bets, won quite big. I still remember that Saturday night when me and my friend went to the casino with those sports bet winnings, I put my money only on 2 numbers on roulette, and it hit my numbers three times in a row on a huge bet ( 17 20 17 were the numbers). Me and my friend were shocked, we left immediately, I gave him a month's salary just for being together with me, while I walked away with almost a yearly salary.

Next few weeks, continued gambling, there were some ups and downs but nothing too serious. Bought myself a lot of cool stuff and was feeling amazing.

Next few months I stopped gambling again. Still had a lot of money from previous winnings and probably had the best period of my life, a life with no worries, no gambling and a lot of cash.

Over the next few years of my college, my gambling problem progressed, but the amounts of money lost weren't that huge and it was still all possible to forget and not to chase the losses.

Last few years, my parents started compulsively gambling, they even took me to casino with them. My father would lose 3 monthly salaries in one night. On a rare occasion we won something, we would never buy anything and always come back the next day or next week and blow it all back.

My parents lost about 40k$ in those two or three years, and my father decided that it was the end for him. He stopped gambling.

However, I never stopped. Since I was jobless at that time, I didn't posess a large amount of money that I could spend on gambling, it was still pretty much okay, but it hugely developed and increased my addiction.

I finally got a job one year ago. A job that I hate. I have a masters degree in engineering but my country is so fked up that I can't get a decent job as an engineer, so I had to accept any kind of job just to earn atleast some money.

With every paycheck my bets would just increase and I would lose my monthly paycheck withih a day or sometimes even within a few hours.I started taking small loans on shady sites that have 30% interest rate, just so I had the money to gamble.

I asked numerous people to lend me money, my friends and my relatives and family.

Every month would be worse and I was just digging a hole deeper and deeper.
Today I took another loan of 800$ and lost it within one hour on roulette.

In total, I have around 16k$ of debt, while my monthly salary is 700$. So basically I have to work 2 years and not spend a penny just to clear that debt.

All this time, I lived in an illusion that everything is fine, I would win big and start over with my life. It never happened.

Today it just struck me like a lightning. I realised that I ruined my life and I have no way out. I never had suicidal thoughts but today I feel like it doesn't matter if I live or not.

I lost most of my friends due to gambling, either I lend money from them or I wasn't there when they invited me for a drink etc. They all know that I have a problem, they all tried to help but I fucked up.

My girlfriend who was the only bright spot of my life realised that something is wrong, we had a huge fight yesterday and I think we broke up.

I am left alone on this world, my life is in ruins and I have no idea what to do. I don't have a way out.

submitted by /u/Audax789
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